Hi, Terri!
Hello, Katya.
Such a treat to have you here. I look forward to hearing your story. Could you tell us a bit about yourself to start with?
I am Terri-Ann Alicia Samuels. I was born in Jamaica, in the Caribbean. I identify as an open, happy soul. I have lived in New Zealand for seven — going on eight — years. I am a physiotherapist by trade, but like I said, open spirit, open soul, and my number one goal for the rest of this year, until it changes, is to do community building among those that are important to me.
Sounds exciting. How did your upbringing shape you, both in positive and negative ways?
They’re both positive, even the negative. My parents are very safe people, emotionally, and when it comes to support. So they gave me a reference point for what a safe person looked like. And anything that greatly contrasted that showed me what an unsafe person was.
But—and I didn’t realise it until I was much older — the negative side of it was that I thought everyone had good in them. My parents are very kind, good, warm people. And I just thought the whole world was kind and warm. I even thought the bad in the world would be good. And unfortunately, some things just are. They aren’t bad, they aren’t good, they just are. And even bad people have origin stories too.
But I did want to heal everyone. However, what I learned was that healing is always a choice. I can only facilitate someone’s healing. I can’t heal them. They have to want it.
What brought you to New Zealand?
Laughs. I was bored. So, at the age of 32, I think, I had travelled quite a bit of the world with my now ex-husband, then fiancé. I had worked in physiotherapy in all genres within the physiotherapy spectrum in Jamaica. I owned a practice, helped build courses for the university, taught at the university, did public speaking, and presented at courses — all these things.
And I realised that I would not be challenged in Jamaica as much because I had already put in the work. There was always growth, and I was always going to be able to get higher and learn more, but I didn't feel as challenged there anymore. And I wanted to be professionally challenged.
At the time, I was raising my stepson, and I also wanted him to see the world the way I’d seen it so that he would see that regardless of where you are, you can thrive. So I called my ex-husband and said, “Hey, I saw New Zealand online. It looks like a beautiful place to work as a physiotherapist. And it has a good work-life balance for families.” And I will give him credit where credit is due; he said, “Okay, go for it.” And I went for it. I got a job, and then I got my credentials to practice here. It took six months to get my credentials and then six weeks to move here from Jamaica thereafter. And it’s been going on for seven years now.
Are you happy here?
It’s home. I think to answer that in a long way, I no longer believe happiness is just one emotion. I believe that to live a full, meaningful life — which is what happy means to me—I have to feel all the emotions. And I feel all the emotions in New Zealand. I let them visit me as I go, but I have more joy, more peace, and more bliss in New Zealand, and I love that for me.
Beautiful. What are your strengths?
I am a good communicator, and I'm very objective. These also act as negatives, but I'm working on that. But on the positive side, I know how to communicate with people across the cultural divide, the ethnic divide, the gender divide, age divides — across all divides. And objectively, I think I better understand people. I take people for who they are, not for who I want them to be. And I love the way I want to be loved, but without judgement.
What’s the negative in it?
Hmm... I don’t say this egotistically, but as I grow and get feedback from people and friends, I look at how my life has unfolded. I have lots of light coming off of me, so I attract a lot of people. And especially because I can communicate and be objective, I keep a lot of people. But not everyone I attract should be allowed access to me, and that sometimes is a negative. Sometimes it’s still hard to set boundaries with everyone, especially if they’ve already entered my inner circle. So now I’m becoming more discerning before I let people in because once I let you in, it’s really hard for me to put you out or separate myself from you.
And what are your weaknesses?
I have a couple. I'm a perfectionist, and it’s a weakness. I used to be a people pleaser, but I’m working on that.
Let’s take dancing — it’s a beautiful way to look at it. When I went to Jamaica last, I took a few dance classes. My teacher said to me, “You’re anticipating what comes next so you don’t fail. Why?”
And that’s where my perfectionism comes in, and that is a weakness because it’s hard. The fear of failure. The fear of being weak. The fear of not knowing — because if I don’t know, then I can’t anticipate how to show up for myself and others. I am better at life if I allow myself to fail.
Another weakness is seeing myself in the world one way and sometimes wanting to change it, changing my viewpoints even on my body and my beauty to suit others. And that’s a weakness in the sense that I feel beautiful, I feel strong, and I feel confident, but then sometimes, when posed with external factors, I am either too sexy or too big or too Black or too much of a girl or too outspoken. And sometimes those “too much” things make me feel like I am too much. Sometimes I’m weak to the opinions of others. Yet again, coming back to it, I need to be careful who I let into my circle because if you’re important, your words have weight, and I need to get to a point where the only words that have weight are mine. But I do learn from others, so I still have to listen to others.
What is your main motivation in life?
Love. Love. I used to say this a long time ago, and I say it again now. I knew love from the moment I was born. And love has hurt me — whether from friends, family, or ex-partners, and all of those things.
That is my goal and my motivation in life: to have good love and good relationships. Just like how I said I give off light, I walk towards the light in others. I don’t try to take it and own it. I see your light, and I say, “That’s beautiful.” And I try to see if there is something in me that can become that, or I try to bridge the gap between you and where I’m at. I’m trying to learn from your light. I don’t want to be your light; it’s not about jealousy. I just want my life to have aspects of it that are brighter. So relationships, community, people—love.
What is your proudest moment in life?
Building my practice. Building Therapy by Terri, now called “TbyT Physio Oasis,” in Jamaica. I’ve built a wellness practice, a physiotherapy centre. It has a therapeutic pool — saltwater, heated. There are treatment cabanas around it, and the people that work there, I’ve trained myself. And it is therapy the way I want to receive therapy. That’s why we call it a physio oasis: there’s greenery, and you’re literally getting therapy in a wooden cabana, overlooking a pool like you do at a spa or a resort. And that’s important to me because I think healing shouldn’t just be when we put our hands on you or when we offer you advice for care. Healing should start from the moment you enter a space. Yeah, so Therapy by Terri: TbyT Physio Oasis.
How do you celebrate your achievements, big or small?
I don’t enough, you know…that’s the truth. I believe in celebrating birthdays because that’s what I call the anniversary, the new year. You know, like when people celebrate the new year on the first of January? I celebrate a person’s birthday and my birthday.
But my accomplishments — I take them for granted. And this is not egotistical, even though it’s going to sound like that, but I didn’t realise that people usually didn’t do big things. I create big ideas all the time; it’s whether or not I manifest them. So doing things big has always been a need. I think it also plays a role in the way we were raised in Jamaica. We are always overachievers. For example, in preparation for high school, a lot of us vied for limited spots, so you’d have to get high scores to pass for your high school of choice and later on to get into university. I mean, I got a doctorate at 27. You know what I mean? At the time, I was the youngest of my cohort in Jamaica, but eventually, it’s become standard. So no, I don’t celebrate achievements enough.
How do you define success?
If it fits into my life. If that accomplishment fits into my life and makes everything that I’ve been through worth it, that’s how I define success. If the situation, the thing, the event, the space and time makes me look at the moment and go, “Everything I went through led to this,” it’s okay.
Do you have insecurities?
Hell, yes!
How do you overcome them?
Some of them, I don’t overcome. You know how they say, “How do you overcome your fear?” and people say, “I don’t work on my fear. I just do it scared”? I do it insecure.
Today in the gym, I wore a thong swimsuit because we were going to the sauna with my friend. And she looked at me and said, “I love your confidence.” And I found that very weird because I’ve been falling in love with myself, even with my insecurities.
Insecurities, I believe, are other people’s version of who I should be. I mean, looking at that and thinking that’s what I should be too. But I can only be who I am.
So when she said it, I went, “But why would I be mad at my big ol’ ass when people pay for this?”. Two young girls were in there; they stopped and made sure I made eye contact. So I said, “Oh, I’m sorry,” and they went, “No, thank you for saying that.”
So to answer you, I have dimples in my thighs, I am not a size two. I am not the stereotypical idea of beauty, especially in a predominantly Caucasian, stick-thin country. Especially amongst dancers, I don’t look like the average dancer in New Zealand. But I have a choice. I can be debilitated and limited by who I am, or I can accept who the f*** I am. And do it insecure.
And what I’ve learned doing it insecure is that eventually, I realised that the only body I can be in is mine. And so far, my version of beauty has changed to the point where, when others or situations make me feel less beautiful, I’m confused as to why they look at me and don’t see beauty. What in themselves are they insecure about, if that makes sense?
That’s very powerful. And you’re gorgeous. In any part of the world.
Laughs. Oh girl, it’s hard. It’s hard sometimes.
When you're feeling down, do you have a special routine or ritual?
I have multiple. But I don’t see “down” as a thing anymore. There’s a doctor I love, Russell Harris, and I did this program called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It’s a program for medical practitioners who want to help people accept what they’re going through, like pain, dysfunctional ability, or disability. He speaks about living a full, meaningful life. So we have this thing called experiential avoidance, which is where we chase happiness — we just want to be happy.
But no, I don’t chase happiness to answer you; I seek a full, meaningful life, which literally means feeling all the feels. So when I am down, I actually have a meaningful conversation with myself. I’ve become a real silent observer to my emotions. I go, “Hey, how are you? Oh, is this what you want to show me?”
I’ve moved to my recent space, and I’m loving it. I’m loving where I’m at in my life right now, curating the life I have and loving it. And it’s brought up some very painful memories. Now, when I get down, as you say, I sit with those memories. Sometimes I ask myself, “Are you okay? How can I show up for you?” And sometimes, all I have to do is let a feeling be.
Sometimes it helps to dance through it, but I try not to mask it. So if I’m gonna dance, I’ll say, “Okay, I’m down. I just want to be picked up for a little bit because this is heavy.” Dancing will lighten the air. Or I might listen to a song or cry.
Sometimes we’re so afraid to unburden ourselves of our pain that we carry it. But if you’re carrying something heavy for a long distance, what would you do? You’d put it down. It doesn’t mean you’re not going to deliver it. It simply means at some point, you may need to rest it down. And I do. I let it be, whether it’s hard, sad, or heavy.
Nowadays, I just show up with it, sit with it, and ask myself, “Are you okay?” Because sad is okay, grief is okay, mad is okay. They all come from something that’s a part of me, and I’m not angry at any of it. Don’t you cry! Laughs
Almost crying and laughing. How do you recharge?
Oooh, dance! Oh, dance. Oooh, sexy time. Laughs. No, that’s a lie. That’s an absolute lie. How do I recharge… different ways.
Meaningful sleep works for me. The gym works for me. Time with people. I recharge based on what’s depleted me. So if people have depleted me, it may be as simple as removing that person or that thing from my life or my surroundings, and my energy will come back. Or if I’ve been unwell, it may be as simple as rest, medication, or dance. But normally, to recharge, it’s people—nine out of ten times, it’s people.
You are amazing at creating your own world of friendships and connecting people and gathering them around you. What do you cherish in people the most?
So I used to say this thing that I believe we’re beautiful because of our uniqueness. So for me, when I look at you, and I see your independence and your desire to be seen as you are, that is what I will be drawn to. Like I said earlier, I see people’s lives, and I guess my cognitive definition of the word "light" would be their truths. And if that truth feels like a superpower that I want to emulate, model, or just have around me, then that’s how I choose people.
Beautiful. Just squeezed a compliment for myself too (laughs). What's the most important lesson that you've learned in your life?
I played many roles in my own suffering. It's not that I stayed too long in a thing or let the wrong people have access to me. No. I wasn't willing to be honest and vulnerable enough with myself to realise that I wasn't creating a safe enough environment for me to thrive. Because I needed the validation of others to feel seen, heard, and loved. I still loved myself a lot, you know, but at some points, not at all. So yeah, that would be it. The role I played in my own suffering—that’s the lesson I learned the most: that I played a role, and it's okay; I give myself grace for everything I did because I didn't know any better. But like I said earlier, understanding this will help me with my life goals, I guess, to make younger me jealous because she deserves a role model. And older me something to compete with because the only fu*ker that I'm competing with is myself.
Do you have any advice for your younger self?
You are beautiful. And it's okay. You are enough.
You are the single most beautiful, audacious human being I've ever seen. I don't know how you did it. I have this weird thing where, at 17, 27, and 37, things happened to me. Some meaningful random events, which I will not share here. And funny enough, those years were the years when my IDs were printed—my passport and/or my driver's license. I remember each time I took one of those pictures, I complained about it.
And in each instance, I look at it now thinking she's beautiful. And my heart breaks because I'm sad that she didn't see who she was. And now, with the knowledge I have, the pain I've gone through, the growth and beauty I've seen, I don't know how she survived some of the things she went through. But she did. So girl, your audacity impresses me. You are amazing. And my goal in this life is to make you proud. Yeah. Because she did good.
Do you have any advice for yourself today?
No. Darling, I'll show up. If I don't want to show up, there's a reason.
Who has been your biggest role model and source of inspiration?
I've never looked up to just one person. I don't want to sound cliché, but I would say my parents in the sense that they allowed me solely to be who I was. And for me, it is a big, big deal because it's really hard to just take people as they are and not for who you want them to be. I'm not saying they're perfect; we all are far from perfect.
And then a lot of other amazing people along the way. Some have been in my life for days, weeks, months, or years. But they've really left a stamp on me in different ways because I looked at their lives and saw things they did despite what life threw at them, and they still thrived. It's really been people who, even if they’ve never made a difference directly in my life, I watched do something that either made me know it was possible, or that change was necessary, or they sat by me in a time when I couldn’t stand by myself.
Do you have a motto that inspires you every day?
You are enough. I am enough.
This is a weird one, but I don't pray the way I used to because I believe. I know, what is, already is. What is for me can be for no one else. When I go to God, to the Universe, to Greater Than Me, I literally go “Yours will be done.” So for me, it's not about mantras anymore. It's about the belief that, yeah, what’s for me can’t be for anyone else, and it already is. I just have to live graciously to get to it.
Beautiful. Thank you very much.
