Thank you for your time today, Diana. I know you’ve been going through some substantial changes in your life and I really appreciate that we are going to have this conversation today and that you will share a fragment of your journey with us. Could you start by telling us about yourself?
I was born in Kazakhstan into a Muslim family with certain principles and values. In my culture there are high expectations placed on women. A girl must excel in school, and be obedient and modest. As for relationships with men, ideally, if you start dating, you should marry that person.
I met my partner, my first boyfriend, when I was 16. For me, it was love at first sight. Interestingly, he didn't pay much attention to me at that time because he was older than me and had different expectations for a woman. We got married when I was 19. I know it may seem young, but it was a common practice in Kazakhstan at the time.
When we started dating, we both knew that Kazakhstan was not where we saw our future. We wanted more. We wanted to travel and explore new cultures. And when we got married, our main goal was to move to another country. After considering several countries, we chose New Zealand. At that time we realised our strength as a team - when one of us has a spark, but lacks motivation, the other comes with the energy needed to reignite that spark. And together, like some kind of unified mechanism, you start to move forward.
Could you please tell us more about moving to New Zealand?
We moved to New Zealand in 2016. What we imagined about immigration, reading different blogs and articles, did not reflect at all the reality of it. Immigration brings a real test of strength and your character. The first three years were full of challenges: my English was very limited, my partner struggled to find work. This transition from our comfortable lifestyle in Kazakhstan to renting a room in New Zealand without a job was a huge contrast. It really made us question our decision.
Many of our friends were saying that we should give up and return home. But it actually gave me strength because I realised that deep down, they also wanted to change their lives, but fear was holding them back. I realised that we could be an example for our friends, inspire them - to overcome cultural and personal barriers and pursue their dreams.
It was a difficult time. Every day we faced new challenges. The lesson I learned at that time is that you grow and become closer to your own self only when you face difficulties, only when there is some sword hanging over your head, and you feel that if you use 99% instead of 100% of your strength, you can simply fail. It was also a test of our relationship - a test in absolutely hellish conditions and when you are maximally uncomfortable.
Now we are in 2024, and I can say I am so grateful that I decided to try at least one immigration in my life. After everything we've been through, I don't see the point in living a simple comfortable life. My choice in this life is to get the maximum experience and to test myself; to throw myself into situations where I don't even know if I’ll make it or not. When you do this, you understand that your goal is not to wait for some outcome, but to enjoy the process itself, the process of climbing the ladder, testing and challenging yourself.
How has your background shaped you? What are your strengths?
My background has had a huge impact on shaping my identity. Most of the things I learned came from my mother, who gave me strength of spirit. I always knew exactly what I wanted, despite the limitations in my thinking due to my culture. Once I realised my path, I never looked back. Even if there were risks of failure, I just kept moving forward.
Another thing my mother taught me was a unique view of love. I believe that true love is about empowering and strengthening the people we care about, rather than pitying them. For example, if a friend comes to me seeking sympathy and crying, I’m not likely to comfort them. Instead, I’ll tell them, “Pull yourself together—you can do it!”
My friends often say, “Diana, where is your empathy?” But this is my form of empathy—showing others they have strength within them. My approach is to challenge those I care about to help them grow.
What about your weaknesses?
Being a good girl was always very important to me, and I was very sensitive to people's opinions. I always wanted to look amazing and paid a lot of attention to how I spoke and behaved. If things didn’t go perfectly, I would blame myself for not meeting my own high standards. The strong critic inside me would say, “Diana, why did you do that? You could have done it better!”. This mindset affected all aspects of my life—my relationships, my work. If I did something, it needed to be so perfect that I would tell myself, “Diana, this is a masterpiece!”. It placed a lot of constraints on me.
But you're talking about it in the past tense, have you overcome it?
You know what? I can say that I've become aware of it, I'm working on it, and now I find a balance where I understand that being a perfectionist is a part of who I am. I can embrace myself as a perfectionist. But if something doesn't go perfectly, I try not to criticise myself. And I don't seek approval from others anymore. I now believe that if something aligns with your own standards and vision, the opinions of others don't matter at all.
I know you recently decided to change your relationship set up with your husband. Can you tell us more about it?
We've been married for almost 15 years. My journey of self-improvement, analytical mindset, and desire to understand my friends’ insights led me to question the traditional concept of marriage.
Many women seek marriage primarily for the purpose of starting a family because of a natural maternal instinct. They often prioritise how well a man can provide for the family when choosing a partner. This got me thinking about how much we truly love the men we marry and how much we love them for their specific qualities.
I spoke to many couples with children and observed a trend: once a woman has a child, the man often transitions from being her partner and ally to becoming a provider of financial support and help with children. I have noticed that when a woman has a child, she becomes less interested in how happy the man is and what his desires and dreams are. And this is where you start to lose the essence of marriage altogether. Marriage is sincere, unconditional love, but suddenly you start feeding your ego and your expectations.
At the same time, both partners may fall into a comfort zone. For men, a woman can mean access to intimacy and comfort, while women may rely heavily on men for financial support and stability. This dynamic can lead to a loss of individual growth and freedom.
At some point, I realised that my partner and I could easily fall into the facade of a 'happy family' at the cost of our individual motivations and potential. This realisation worried me, I knew I couldn't let that happen. I always want to be challenged. Let me be alone or without a primary partner if it means staying motivated and continuing to search for myself.
I started researching relationship concepts that might suit me. I read about open relationships, monogamy and polygamy, but none of them seemed ideal. That's when I decided to create my own relationship concept based on what I believe in.
A few key values stood out: rejecting jealousy and accepting the idea of multiple partners - not out of ego, but out of a genuine desire to grow and learn together. I realised that everyone we meet has something to teach us. Another important aspect is total acceptance and having no expectations. It's about enjoying the present moment with someone and giving love and energy without any guarantees for the future.
Living separately also became important to me. In couples' rooms, the atmosphere often centres around the woman's preferences, leaving little room for the man's individuality, which I found unfair.
Are you still continuing your relationship with your partner?
Yes, indeed.I have absolute love for my partner. There is nothing that he could do where I would say that I no longer love this person. I have such complete acceptance of him, such a strong connection, respect for him as a man, and what I want to give him is absolute freedom for him to find himself, to feel complete. Even if, at some point, he decides he wants to be with someone else in a monogamous relationship, I will accept that and I won’t turn away from him. I am grateful for what I have learned with him – the essence of love and how far it is from the concept of marriage.
What are you looking forward to the most in this new chapter of your life?
I want to fully embrace myself and my destiny, even if it brings disappointment, even if it's not something I’d imagined. I want to live my life authentically and feel every moment deeply. I want to leave a mark on this world. Maybe it will be extravagant, maybe it will be something society finds unacceptable. But I want to show that to be part of this world we must embrace our uniqueness. We must not fear our authenticity. I am proud to be from Kazakhstan, to have absorbed so many cultures. I now can live anywhere. I'm not tied to any culture, country, or people. I want to never tire of life, to always seek new knowledge, to have the curiosity of a child learning something new. I want that spark to never fade. That's my goal in life.
If you could give advice to your younger self, what would it be?
It's important to always be yourself, even if others criticise you. And don't be hard on yourself either. I once received valuable insight from a psychologist that has stayed with me. Self-confidence means following your heart, even if the path doesn't turn out like you thought. If you stay true to yourself, even when things don't go as planned, you should be proud for trying. True confidence blossoms when you stop criticising yourself for mistakes.
What are your plans in the near future?
I would like to take a short break and go on a solo trip with an open mind and heart to see what the Universe brings me. Also, I would like to start my own business that will reflect my vision for the world.
Do you have any life motto that gives you strength?
Never be afraid of challenges. Nothing great in life comes easily. Be prepared to pay the price for your dreams.
Thank you!
